You and Dad are right, I really do have it all. I have a roof over my head, I have my own laptop, I have my own iPod, I have a cell phone, I have pets, I have a car, you guys pay for my gas, you guys pay for my insurance, you two buy me something if I want it. We went on so many family vacations when I was a kid, I can’t count how many times I’ve been to Disney World, we always went camping, we swam with dolphins one year, we spent 1-2 weeks at the beach each summer. This is why I try not to ask you guys for anything, you give me so much. I never once asked for a car, I never once asked for you to pay for my insurance or gas, I bought my laptop myself, I bought my iPod myself, I’ve had the same phone for 3 years now and I will not dare ask for a smart phone. It’s not something I need. I’ll just feel selfish. So yeah, when you point out how much you and Dad do for me, I will admit, you do everything. Yeah, it’s nice having all of that stuff, but there’s some serious fundamental stuff lacking.
I’m starting to realize what a sad excuse this is for a family. All you do is drink, and it’s funny because you’re not running out of vodka. I wonder where you’re hiding it. Is it in the car with the beer you keep in there? Dad is going fishing every single day, and no matter how nice he acts to you, he tells me how he really feels, and he can hardly stand to look at you. He’s going fishing more than he would like to get away from you. All you do is lie to us, about where you are and what you’re doing. I’m not an idiot, I know you smoke pot, and I know you’re drinking. I can smell it on you.
It’s confusing because you still sit here and act all nice, and then cry and get upset if there’s some sort of fight between the three of us. I know I can’t trust you, you’re insane, but you’re my Mother, and I hate seeing you cry. I hate seeing anyone cry, especially when I know that I’m partially the cause of it.
Just remember, next time you go to reprimand me about how I’m disrespectful and ungrateful, please remember how you treat me. I’ve said this a thousand times, I’m not stupid, stop treating me like I am.
From,
Me
My best friend’s parents are letting him stay in New Zealand! He still hasn’t been able to find a job, but he convinced his parents that he really wants to stay in New Zealand instead of going home to South Africa. He has decided to enroll at University for some master’s classes, since the government will pay him to do so since that’s the way it works there, so he’s making money and learning more. At the same time, he’ll be looking for a job.
Anyway, all of that is sort of irrelevant I guess…but since he is staying in New Zealand and trying to find a job there, that means he’ll still have internet so I can talk to him, and he’ll be making more money when he finds said job. So that means I might actually get to meet him in person one day.
Wow, that’s weird to think about.
Love,
Me
Here are some things I have learned since I started driving:
- People drive like fucking assholes. Seriously people, calm yourselves. I know this is New Jersey, but still.
- Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard is by far the BEST song to listen to while driving.
- After that, it’s Just Like Heaven by The Cure.
- Driving by yourself is so much better than driving with other people.
- People judge you if you actually do the speed limit…
- My parking is amazing when I’m at home but whenever I go out it sucks.
- My mother is extremely paranoid of me getting raped, but if I’m with another teenage girl that makes it SO much safer.
Yep. That’s about it.
Love,
Me
My best friend didn’t get the job, they wanted someone with more experience and he just graduated from university. His parents want him to be back in South Africa by the end of the month, so basically in roughly 2 weeks.
In South Africa, he won’t have an internet connection, and if he does, it’ll be ridiculously slow. So basically, I could only be friends with him for another 2 weeks.
I know it’s not the end of the world, but I can’t help but cry at the thought of that.
Love,
Me
(Sorry blog, I have a something I need to say, and I have to say it here otherwise I’ll post it on my other tumblr, and people in real life will know about it, and I know I will regret that later.)
I hate the depressing conversations I have with the person I address as “Best Friend” more than anything in the world. We’ve been good friends online now for about two years now, he means a lot to me, and I know that I mean a lot to him.
Today we started talking about the likeliness of us actually getting to meet one day, and he’s trying to get me to understand the fact that it probably won’t happen. To be honest, that thought depresses me more than anything.
If he doesn’t get this job in New Zealand, which he probably won’t, then he’ll have to move back home to South Africa. In South Africa, any job he gets will be in this area where he won’t have any internet connection, which means it will be impossible for us to talk to one another.
The currency exchange rate is so bad too, $1 US dollar is equal to about 8 Rand (South African currency). It would take him ages to save up enough money to pay off his student loans and then come here. Plus our country makes it so difficult for people to come in, so that doesn’t help either.
Chances are, I’ll never even get to meet him in real life, and I want that more than anything. I know I’m young and stupid and we only know each other online, but despite all of that we’ve been through a fair bit together. We’re really attached to one another, and we don’t have anyone else.
I know he’ll try his best to meet me one day, it’s just depressing to think about what the chances of that actually happening really are.
Even if we do get to meet in real life, I’ll have some other depressing things to face.
Love,
Me
Lol. I took the SATs Saturday, and my AP Psych exam today. Fuck you collegeboard. The multiple choice was actually really straightforward and easy on the AP exam. The first essay included terms that we had never even gone over in class. Afterwards no one had known some of them, so I’m hoping that there will be a pretty decent curve and maybe I can still pull off a 5. I’ll probably get a 4 but I’m still going to hope I magically get a 5. It doesn’t really matter, I know I’ll probably never have to take a Psychology course in college since I want to major in math or engineering. As for the SATs…I really want above a 2100 but I have a feeling I won’t get that considering my lack of studying…I’m hoping for around an 1800.
On the plus side, I somehow managed to pull off a 100 on my Physics test, which means I still have over a 100 in the class!
Right now I really want to go drive somewhere, but I have no where to drive.
I guess that’s all for now.
Love,
Me
One thing I failed to mention earlier last week was that my birthday was on Monday, and I got my drivers license on Tuesday! I was relatively excited to get my license, but I wasn’t going insane. I like being able to take myself places though, instead of relying on my parents. I get a little more freedom while still being a kid.
Anyway, I have part 2 of a math test tomorrow, that apparently everyone has failed. I already know I didn’t do all that well…so I’m not excited. My math tutor told me depending on how tomorrow goes I’ll probably get anywhere from an 85-90%. Other people would be happy with that, but I’m never fully happy with my grades unless I’m getting high A’s or A+’s.
Love,
Me
I think my straight A’s are secured for this marking period. I’m only getting A’s and A+’s, no A-’s. The marking period ended yesterday but some grades still need to go in. So now there’s only one more marking period and finals left…I think my overall grades for the year are going to be a lot like this marking period. No A-’s, just A’s and A+’s!
The whole college search process has begun…it actually began months ago but whatever. My guidance counselor told me that I would definitely qualify to take honors classes at the nearest community college. I wouldn’t even need to apply, he could just call and I’d get in. But he said I might be able to get in for free for 2 years.
Now, I swore I would never go to community college…but going to school for free for 2 years…now I might consider it. I could end up transferring into schools I could never even dream of going to right now…like Cornell. An Ivy League.
I would save myself $80,000 if I went to a community college for free for 2 years and then Cornell, instead of going to Cornell for 4 years…which I couldn’t even do right now if I wanted to.
Then again, it all depends on what I want to do…but right now I’m thinking about chemical engineering. I’m not sure…but I can always change my mind.
Love,
Me
